Wise ways to say “no” and why you should think twice before using them
Learning how to say “no” can help manage excessive workloads and protect your career while fostering a healthy work-life balance, writes Professor Peter Heslin
As the end of the year approaches, many professionals, managers, and students face mounting pressures to wrap up projects, meet deadlines, and finalise commitments. However, with workloads already at capacity for many, adding extra tasks can become overwhelming.
A recent survey found that 52% of Australian professionals feel their workload is so unmanageable they need to take a day off at least once a month.
Safe Work Australia’s Model Work Health and Safety (WHS) Act highlights the importance of addressing psychosocial hazards such as excessive workloads. From August next year, even small business employees in Australia will have the right to disconnect from work communications outside their hours unless it is unreasonable to do so.
Taking control of your workload
Individuals are responsible for managing their workload – both at and beyond the workplace. Depending on your role and circumstances, proactive initiatives you might take to avoid becoming overwhelmed include:
• Prioritising tasks using methods like the MoSCoW framework
• Exploring subtractive changes to simplify how things are done
• Delegating tasks where possible
• Making time for rich recovery experiences, such as by engaging in rejuvenating recreational activities (e.g., sport, art or music), and/or
• Saying “no” to non-essential requests or roles.
If your workload is already at capacity and you’re looking to advance your career, it’s crucial to recognise and avoid taking on too many non-promotable tasks. These are duties such as training new hires, taking meeting notes, or organising workplace celebrations that fall outside your formal role. While these tasks might earn short-term appreciation, they typically don’t contribute to your salary or career progression.
Read more: Three useful things to know about mentally healthy workplaces
Research has revealed that within a professional firm, women were drawn into about 200 more hours of non-promotable tasks per year than male counterparts of comparable rank. Subsequent research by the same scholars revealed that this dynamic was not due to gender differences in preferences, attitudes or abilities. Instead, women are more often asked and expected to say “yes” to non-promotable tasks.
Yet for women and men alike, it can be hard to say “no” to requests to “step up,” whether within or outside the workplace, such as with families, clubs and churches.
Why “no” can be the hardest word
Reasons people agree to requests they would prefer to decline may come down to a number of reasons:
• Enjoying the affirmation and praise that can flow from pleasing others
• Wanting to uphold their self-image as a reliable, dependable, and cooperative person
• Overestimating the importance of a request, or it being overplayed by the requester, leading to a sense of duty to help, even when it’s unnecessary or burdensome
• Perceived pressure to demonstrate loyalty and commitment
• Cultural and societal norms around expectations of people, particularly women and juniors, to be accommodating and agreeable
• Concerns to never inconvenience or let down others
• FOMO (fear of missing out) by being shunned or sidelined from receiving future opportunities
• Being highly attuned to others’ struggles or needs
• Lacking clarity about personal priorities against which to assess when to say “no”, or
• Not knowing how to express boundaries clearly, confidently and tactfully, in a manner likely to minimise provoking confrontation or backlash.
Identifying your barriers to saying “no” is a crucial first step. Following this, there are practical techniques that can help you decline gracefully and confidently.
Wise ways to say “no”
Think of a recurring situation – either at or outside of work – when you tend to say “yes” to requests when you’d rather say “no”. The following strategies are derived from research and my three decades of experience running career development workshops. Which one or two strategies might help you better navigate challenging situations where you might need to say “no”?
| Strategy | Example wording |
| Delay your decision | Thank you for thinking of me! Let me review my commitments and get back to you by the end of the week. |
| Redirect the request | That’s outside my expertise, but I think [name] would be a great fit. |
| Compliment the requester before declining | I admire your passion for this project, so I’m sorry that I can’t commit to it at this time. |
| Blame your mentor or boss (if they agree to be blamed) | My mentor strongly advised me to focus on other priorities right now. |
| Offer to take a smaller role | I’m not available to lead or join the team on this, but I’d be happy to contribute ideas in one meeting. |
| Note that your schedule is full | I regret to say that my schedule is already fully booked during that period. |
| Negotiate trade-offs | I can help if [another task] can be reassigned or delayed. Can you please help make that happen? |
The risks of routinely saying “no”
While saying “no” can protect your time and energy, overusing these tactics to decline requests that don’t clearly align with your priorities may have significant downsides. These are because:
• Helping others often opens doors to new opportunities and builds goodwill. As Zig Ziglar often noted: “You can get anything in life you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want!”
• Saying “yes” can cultivate our communities by strengthening relationships through shared experiences and a sense of being on a mission together.
• Forging a reputation as a helpful, dependable colleague, friend and family member is often a source of deep, enduring pride. Would you prefer to be remembered in those terms, or as a great strategic manager of your time?
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Life is a near-endless stream of opportunities to step up or step aside. People who attempt to do everything do nothing well and soon become burned out – with little to show for their Herculean efforts.
Wise real-time prioritisation – balancing your goals against others’ agendas, both at work and during the forthcoming holidays – will shape how you spend each moment and ultimately define your career and life.
Dr Peter Heslin is a Professor of Management, Academic Fellow at Warrane College, and Deputy Director, UNSW Scientia Education Academy. He is a Registered Psychologist who was elected Chair of the Academy of Management Careers Division. He pioneered research on growth mindsets in organisations and wrote the most cited ever sole-authored peer-reviewed article on career success.